My Name Is Thackeray

My Name Is Thackeray.

I live in 1966.

While the whole world zoomed past me into the 21st century, I still do not get the concept of peace and harmony in a cosmopolitan society.

I strongly believe that if it were not for my valiant efforts, Mumbai would have been the capital of Bangladesh. Or worse, some Gajodhar Srivastava would have been the Chief Minister of Maharashtra.

I write fiery editorials and make inflammatory speeches for a living. If I am not busy with either of these, I give ultimatums and accept apologies. I hold the world record for giving 3657045 ultimatums and getting 254 apologies.

I am the Rajnikanth of bullying industry, iPhone of hate speeches and the God Of All Fanatic Things.

I hate muslims. I hate south Indians. I hate north Indians. I hate Pakistan, Mongolia, Venezuela, Congo, Zimbabwe and Peru for no specific reason. I just love to hate.

My incredible appetite for hate and an uncanny ability to use it to win votes have helped me rake up the religious and regional sentiments on multiple occasions resulting in the death of hundreds of Marathi Manoos.

I sometimes think that I am stuck in a time warp from which I cannot and do not want to emerge. My old age and an extremely incompetent son do not make things any easier.

But I am sure my legacy would be carried forward by my nephew aaj ka Goonda"Raj". His brazen acts of violence, his utter disrespect for democratic values and above all, his abhorence for anything remotely related to pandey, chauhan or Srivastava make me immensely proud.

Seriously, how can a movie made in Mumbai be named My Name Is Khan and not My Name Is Kulkarni?

My name is Thackeray. And I am insane.